The willow stands proudly against all odds,
It shamelessly lets its branches sway.
The wind.
The wind. It bends it's proud branches.
It's pride isn't shuffled from tussled scuffles.
The rain.
The hail.
The snow.
They bow the willows head, taking his leaves.
They break his perfect sway.
But he still stands tall.
His pride undamaged.
His life forever changed.
My tree is different.
Taller.
Stiff.
Ridged.
My willow is much different, but will he ever be the same?
Not sure what I want to change about the last stanza but something bothers me about it.
I like the whole poem. The last stanza is fine because it sort of ties up the poem. I especially like how the willow tree can represent a person. A person who has had my obstacles in their way, yet they never give up and they become a better, stronger person because of those obstacles.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so I don't know how helpful this will actually be because I agree with both you and Tania. See, Tania's point in the tree also being a person and becoming stronger and whatnot, I agree with that. But, I agree with the fact that something seems off about it. I think it's the way that it suddenly becomes /your/ willow or something. Like, I don't know. There's just something about it. And the last line, too... Are you meaning that the willow you've been talking about this whole time is your willow, but it's changed with time?
ReplyDeleteI guess maybe change something about that? Either change it, or maybe include another stanza with more of a transition. You could mirror it! Maybe. I don't know. But I think mirroring it or doing a parallel structure things would be cool. Your decision!
I think I wrote too much, but whatever. Either way, excellent poem. The title and everything just fit so nicely together, just that bit of disconnection at the end...
The willow has been mine the whole time but changed over time.
DeleteThanks Calley
I agree with Tania, I like the idea that the tree is a metaphor for anything/anyone that may endure hardships. When I was reading the poem, I got the sense that there were two trees; a weak tree and your tree (the strong one). Peronally I like the two trees better because it brings across the message of being yourself through hard times. As for the end, I would consider turning the question into a statement. Nice poem!
ReplyDeleteGood job Cassie. The first stanza is my favorite. I like the repititon of "wind" amd wouldn't mind seeing more of that later.
ReplyDeleteI too struggled slightly with the transitions: the tree starts out as an "it", changes to a "he", and then becomes a "my." If it were my poem, which of course it isn't, I might start with a "he" and then just come out and tell us what is happening at the end: "the willow is mine, he changes over time".
I think you might mean "rigid" in the last stanza instead of "ridged".
Good work!