Blink
Honk, Honk, Honk!
everywhere...
People speeding, People talking
Attention, not in sight.
little blue eyes on a golden face
Attention on her teddy bear.
woman walking on the sidewalk, enticed in conversation.
"Sweet Heart, follow Mamma."
Red light blinks on.
walk sign is On, walk sign is On.
"Come here Baby Girl,"
"walk a bit Faster."
Honk, Honk, Honk!
traffic is Slow.
Shortcut here.
Vroom, Vroom.
Almost there.
Yellow light.
"I can make it..."
Honk, Honk, Honk!
"My teddy mommy, I dropped it."
"Honey, come on or else we'll be Late."
tears Scatter from the girls little blue eyes.
streaming down, just about to fall
"Darling, give me your hand."
Tap, Tap, Tap.
little tiny feet scurrying to her Mamma.
Reaching out to grasp the love of her
Life.
Honk! Honk! Honk!
"I made it..."
the cars jumps over a bump.
tips over with gas fumes leaking out of every crevice
screeching tires trying to miss the damage,
Impossible?
Green eyes lost sight...
Blurred
by the rotation of a line.
"My baby girl!"
No answer
those baby blue eyes on
the small Angelic face.
Vroom, Vroom.
Almost there.
Yellow light.
"I can make it..."
Honk, Honk, Honk!
"My teddy mommy, I dropped it."
"Honey, come on or else we'll be Late."
tears Scatter from the girls little blue eyes.
streaming down, just about to fall
"Darling, give me your hand."
Tap, Tap, Tap.
little tiny feet scurrying to her Mamma.
Reaching out to grasp the love of her
Life.
Honk! Honk! Honk!
"I made it..."
the cars jumps over a bump.
tips over with gas fumes leaking out of every crevice
screeching tires trying to miss the damage,
Impossible?
Green eyes lost sight...
Blurred
by the rotation of a line.
"My baby girl!"
No answer
those baby blue eyes on
the small Angelic face.
I really like that the short lines give a sense of speed. It creates a wonderfully tense mood and you just know things aren't going to end well. Now, i know that the end is intentially very rushed and vague, but it is nearing being a bit too jumbled. You may want to make sure that, at least how the car reacted, is made horribly clear. One last thing, i really like the idea that the title instills, and i think it would be a nice touch to try and incorporate it just a bit more into the writing. Just a thought. Well done!
ReplyDeleteIt's great Tania! I like how you can feel the beat of urban life. The repetition you have really adds to the pace of the poem, very nice!
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing poem! I love how it keeps your interest throughout the entire piece. Great way to describe the setting and make the little girl seem so innocent and then when tragedy strikes...it makes you feel like you died a little inside. Those are the best kinds of poems, to allow the reader to feel what you are trying to get through to them.
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