The
breeze lifts my hair into a
w
h
i
r
l
w
i
n
d
around my face
The
sunshine warm at my back
The
smell of fresh cut grass
carries the promise of
summer.
I
sail down the hill
my hair streaming out behind me
I
feel free knowing summer is here
and there is
only one year to go.
My
senior year is on the horizon
and my
future just past that
All of your poems look so pretty. :) Anyways, I really like the feel of this one. You get the sort of carefree, breeziness of summer and hope and all of the aspirations that these things hold. Just the general structure of this poem is great. It allows the reader to get a feel for the thoughts going on in the girls mind. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Calley said. The structure of the poem shows the breeze, yet at the same time the feeling someone gets when their mind of full of whats to come. The structure of the poem also shows how someone goes back and forth with the idea of their future. Breeze is sort of an ironic title because almost everyone knows that its not a breeze when it comes to the topic of ones future. At the same time, when I think of breeze I think of a wind that is sort of calming and soothing which is a feeling someone might get when they think about and reminisce about their past(about their Senior year).
ReplyDeleteOverall, the structure of this poem makes the poem even better.
I love the way the line "and my future just past that" is placed past the line talking about your future, very clever! Agreeing with Tania and Calley, I do love the structure of this poem, the way it flows with minimal punctuation. To me the punctuation makes me think of a pause in the breeze before it starts again, a calm to stop and think. lovely.
ReplyDeleteThe way you wrote out "whirl wind" was very creative. I only wish you could have done something similar like that with other words in the poem...but now that I think about it, it may have been distracting from the actual context itself. I like how you make it sound as though you're still a kid, yet you stated that it's your senior year. So, you can still act like a kid even though you're older. Very playful and very thoughtful!
ReplyDelete