After first reading write a short paragraph giving your initial impression. Keep comments constructive.
Point out strengths and weakness of piece and offer ways to improve if you have them.
Keep the author's feelings in mind as you craft your critique.
Post at least three examples of writing and give feedback on six works submitted by others.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
warning
enter this wild wood
and view the haunts of nature
but be wary
you weary travelers
lest you become a casualty of the eternal struggle
betwixt the trees and time
against all that moves
freely within their boundaries
I get a kick out this poem. The diction gives it an old timey feel. For some reason I imagine a Gandalfian type character being the speaker. I imagine him trying to pass down his wisdom to those who are unprepared for the wilds that are ever present in the world. My favorite phrase has to be "be wary you weary travelers." Man, oh man, do I dig that. Alliteration and word play just get me going. My advice would be to add imagery. Don't just say their are haunts of nature and external struggle, show us. Make the reader see, and then their truly spooked. Unless, you're going for simplicity. I respect that.
I get a kick out this poem. The diction gives it an old timey feel. For some reason I imagine a Gandalfian type character being the speaker. I imagine him trying to pass down his wisdom to those who are unprepared for the wilds that are ever present in the world. My favorite phrase has to be "be wary you weary travelers." Man, oh man, do I dig that. Alliteration and word play just get me going. My advice would be to add imagery. Don't just say their are haunts of nature and external struggle, show us. Make the reader see, and then their truly spooked. Unless, you're going for simplicity. I respect that.
ReplyDeleteI like your word choice..."betwixt"- I've never even heard of that word before (unless you made it up haha). But it sounds really cool!
ReplyDelete